Club Penguin: Monster Beach Party/Transcript

The following is a transcript from “Club Penguin: Monster Beach Party”.

Act I

Scene 1: 65 Million Years Ago

Garugg the Ugg Ugg: (runs across ice) Ah ah! Oooh! Woaaaaa! (panting)

(frigid wings blow across screen, freezing everything)

Garugg the Ugg Ugg: (breaks out of ice and shivers) Ice Age sureee come fast! Ooga ooga.

(a chunk of the ice breaks open, with a dramatic close-up)

Scene 2: 65 Million Years Later

(alarm goes off) Jangrah: (wakes up) Ah! Another perfect morning. (presses button, revealing wall of checklists) Wake up, check. Grab clipboard, check. Check off wake up and grab clipboard; check, and check. (walks into bathroom and cleans up)
(walks into large closet) Good morning, perfectly organized, color coordinated closet! (grabs shirts) Too smart. Too sassy! Too… sophisticated. (throws each afterward, then notices one more) Ah! Perfect! Timely morning ritual, check. Grab summer beach party clipboard, check. Everything is in its place for a perfect beach party!

Roofhowse: (walks up, drops a pile of beach supplies) Here ya go Jangrah. One beach party. Some assembly required.

Jangrah: Uh, thank you Roofhowse, for dropping it in a giant disorganized pile on my doorstep. Do you guys have everything else?

Lorna: Yep. I’ve got my hat, my sunglasses, and my light summer reading. (points to book strapped on back) The Penguin Island Compendium! Wa-wa-woah! (falls backward)

Jangrah: That doesn’t look very light, Lorna.

Lorna: Ooh! But it’s fascinating! There’s just so much about the island that we don’t even know! The legends! The mysteries! The recipes!

Jangrah: Recipes?

Roofhowse: Yeah. Like these amazing jelly, waffle, and sardine sandwiches.

(Roofhowse and Lorna each take a bite)

Lorna: (wipes jelly off mouth) Want a bite?

Jangrah: Uh… I’m good. Okay! Let’s synchronize our checklists!

(Roofhowse and Lorna take out crumpled pieces of paper, one is covered in jelly)

Jangrah: Uh, guys? When you volunteer to be my assistant party planners, we discussed the importance of the five P’s of party planning. Perfection, precision, punctuality, planning, and, perfection. And most importantly… sticking to the plan.

Roofhowse: Eh! (flails arms) Looks like the plan is… stickin’ to me! Heh heh.

Jangrah: That’s not what I meant.

Lorna: Ya know Jangrah, sometimes it’s fun to just… (waves arms rhythmically) gooo with the flooow.

Jangrah: Lorna… I am the flow. (pulls down sunglasses)

Scene 3: The Beach

(a wide shot of the beach)

Jangrah: (blows whistle, signaling a few penguins to go swim, then proceeds to start singing) Sunshine, sand dunes, DJs on the deck. Volleyballs, surf boards, sunscreen check! The fun will be to a T if we just stick with the plan!

Two penguins: Planning, perfection, precision, punctuality!

Jangrah: Umbrellas up, lifeguard on duty! Tunes are hot, and extra tuney! Another look, at my list, nothingness, got this! Check check check-aroonie! This is gonna be the best beach party, I’m gonna pull it off, perfectly! A summer day, holiday, getaway, in the suuuun! Everybody better have fun!

Rookie: Oh uh, yes! Hello penguin beach this is rockin’ Rookie reportin’, comin’ at ya live from the first annual surf and snow cone competition!

Roofhowse: Check it out! Ice cold drinks, served with style!

Jangrah: This is gonna be, the best beach party! ’Cause I’m gonna pull it off perfectly. A summer day, holiday, getaway, all day longggg. Ha, what could possibly go wronggg?

(Chorus: What could go wrong? Woh ooh ooh, what could go wrong?)

Jangrah: What could possibly go wrong?

(Chorus: What could go wrong? Woh ooh ooh, what could go wrong?)

(song ends)

Scene 4: Ice

Jangrah: Um, where’s the ice?

Lorna: Oh, it’s coming! Captain Rockhopper said he’d bring us, and I quote, (speaks in a pirate dialect) “enough ice to fill the belly of a thousand whales!” Ha haha ha! That’s my impression of Captain Rockhopper.

Jangrah: Lorna… please don’t tell me you’ve entrusted the complete success or utter failure of this entire party to that ridiculous pirate! We need that ice!

Rockhopper: (drives the Migrator by the beach, with an iceberg in tow) Avast! Did someone say ice?

Lorna: See? Going with the flow works! Especially when it’s an ice floe.

Jangrah: Ha ha ha ha! (sarcastically) Very funny. Enough jokes! You’re late, you lazy pirate!

Rockhopper: Oh what’s that, ye say? I’m great, AND an amazing pirate? Heh heh. Hear that, Yarr? I told ye the kids think I’m cool! (jumps off Migrator, and carries the rope attached to the iceberg, and drops an anchor through the dock) There ye be! One iceberg, safe and sound. (rumbling noises from the iceberg) Eh… well, now that me work’s done, it’s time for a little R&R! Right Yarr?

Yarr: Yarr!

Rockhopper: (throws off coat, runs to beach, sets down towel) Ah… (instantly falls asleep)

Lorna: (glares)

Scene 5: Snow Cones

(vehicle siren heard in distance)

Jangrah: Perfect! It’s Gary the Gadget Guy!

Gary: (drives through beach on machine) Did someone order a Snow Cone 3000?

Sydmull: (under his breath) Wowee…

Jangrah: Sydmull, is everything okay?

Sydmull: Ohh, it’s just that, I am such a fan, of Gary the Gadget Guy! He invented the Cloud Maker 3000, the Aqua Grabber 3000, and even the Ghost Catcher-

Jangrah: 3000?

Sydmull: (gasps) You’ve heard of it!

Jangrah: Do you wanna help him?

Sydmull: More than anything!

Jangrah: Well, it’s a party! Go mingle!

Sydmull: Mingle mode, engaged!

Jangrah: Encourage mingling… check!

Sydmull: (runs over to Gary) Hi, Gary… Jangrah said I’m supposed to help ya! Gary… I love science! Hi Gary…

Gary: Oh, a fan of science, are you? Well then, can you hand me that hexagonal flangalator?

Sydmull: Can a double helix electron prognosticator generate its own electromagnetic quantum field? On a Tuesday? (hands Gary a device resembling a cross between a power drill and an eggbeater)

Sydmull and Gary: (laughing) Science RULES!

Sydmull: Up high!

(both try and give a high five but miss)

Sydmull: Woah!

Gary: Heh heh heh heh! That should do it! This invention is the perfect combination dessert maker AND all-terrain party machine! All it needs now is power!

Cadence: (backflips onto iceberg) The power of MUSIC! Woah! (starts up machine) It’s time to dance!

Roofhowse: Wow! This is impressive! How does it work?

Jangrah: Not to toot my own horn, but Gary did build a Snow Cone 3000 to my exact specifications! You see, the music generates the power, activating the jackhammers which crack the ice into smaller chunks. Which are then sucked up in the vacuum tube! Into the main chamber, where they are packed into perfect little snowballs! And topped with precision projected “squirt!” of O’berry juice. (grabs snow cone) Voila! The perfect snow cone at the perfect summer beach party! Crank it up to full power!

Cadence: Woo woo! You don’t have to tell me twice! Let’s turn it up to ELEVEN! (moves dial from 8 to 11)

Gary: Uh, Jangrah, I’m concerned that the structural integrity of this iceberg may be compromised by the increased frequency of these admittedly groov-alicious beats!

Lorna: Jangrah! You’re needed on the beach! Someone accidentally mixed up the sunscreen and the barbecue sauce!

Jangrah: What?! I’ll be right there. Hold that thought Gary, I’ll be right back in a jiffy! But in the meantime, (pulls out megaphone) Penguins! The surf and snow cone party is officially on!

(cheering)

Scene 6: Herbert Arrives

Herbert: (humming, while painting a picture of himself and Klutzy on a boat)

(painting falls into water due to loud music)

Herbert: Arrgh! Why is it, every time I find a little peace and quiet, those penguins have to party all over it? (grabs binoculars and looks at iceberg) I see how it is. KLUTZY! Set sail for that iceberg. Time for a little fun in the sun… courtesy of Herbert P. Bear! Mweh heh heh heh! (sails over and throws grappling hook on top of iceberg)

Klutzy: (clicking)

Herbert: Oh, yes yes, you’re right Klutzy, I almost forgot about our extremely convincing disguises!

(both put on conical yellow paper “beaks”, then proceed to climb, while the ice cracks more, and a large eye can be seen)

Penguin 1: Hey… you’re pretty big for a penguin!

Herbert: Eh, uh…

Penguin 2: Awesome! I bet you play flipperball!

Herbert: ..Yes! Uh I, do play flipperball! Because… I’m a penguin! Heh… you’re a penguin! We’re all penguins! Eh, heh heh…

Both penguins: Flipperball championship, here we come! (they high five)

Herbert: (sighs) Excuse me! Real penguin coming through! Penguin noises, penguin noises… (walks up to Snow Cone 3000) Aha! Time to throw a monkey wrench into those pesky penguins’ plans… Klutzy! Monkey wrench.

Klutzy: (hands Herbert a wrench with a monkey design, and monkey sounds can be heard)

(a large crack goes through the iceberg, shattering the tip, causing the Megalodon to emerge, panic ensues)

Roofhowse: Okay, this seems really bad!

Scene 7: Megalodon Prowls

Rookie: Holy propeller beanie, it seems as though a giant prehistoric shark has broken free of its iceberg prison, and is terrorizing the surf competition! Nobody could have planned for something like this!

Jangrah: I got this! All we have to do is-

Rockhopper: Run for yer lives! ’Tis the mighty Megalodon, scourge of the seven seas! Or at least it used to be, sixty five million years ago, give or take.

Jangrah: Blizzard! Lifeguard emergency! Now!

Blizzard: (wakes up, startled, then sees Megalodon approaching puffles) Lifeguard Blizzard is on duty! (grabs floaty and water wings, and starts running)

Jangrah: If anyone else fit in that lifeguard costume I’d fire him.

Blizzard: (grabs surfboard and surfs to puffles as Megalodon swims past) Woo hoo hoo! Nailed it! Don’t worry little guys, I’m certified in over fifteen gnarly surf moves! You’re safe as long as I’m safe!

(Megalodon swims close)

Blizzard: Ahh! Not safe, not safe! Hang on!

Jangrah: Penguins! I need you to remain calm, and evacuate the iceberg onto the safe and sturdy dock!

Blizzard: (jumps off surfboard onto dock) Oh yeah, who ordered the puffles?

(Megalodon crashes through dock, sending Blizzard and puffles flying)

Artist: Ha ha! Finally, my masterpiece! Mona penguina, is complete-a.

(Blizzard lands, with his head crashing through the painting)

Artist: My masterpiece! She is-a ruined!

(puffle falls on Blizzard’s head)

Artist: Actually, that’s-a pretty cute.

(iceberg drifts away)

Lorna: Uh, Jangrah? Which one of the five P’s of party planning is this?

Jangrah: …Panic.

Act II

Scene 8: The Frightening Megalodon

(Megalodon roars, causing penguins to run in terror across the iceberg)

Roofhowse: Okay, stay calm! Don’t anybody panic! I spent a lot of time at sea, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned NOT to do-

(Megalodon roars again, causing the penguins to run in terror across the iceberg yet again)

Roofhowse: -it’s that.

(Megalodon roars once more, and the penguins run again)

Roofhowse: WAIT! Everyone stop or we’ll tip the iceberg! (looks at audience) Phew! Who knows what else is under there.

Rockhopper: (sails Migrator up to iceberg) Avast! Quit yer teeter-totterin’. Unless ye prefer to take yer tea and crumpets in the belly of that monstrous beast!

(penguins cheer and run to Migrator)

Rockhopper: Now come aboard ye landlubbers, and I’ll lub ye to land.

(Megalodon emerges from the sea and roars at Rockhopper, then grabs an anchor, and proceeds to swing the Migrator around)

Rockhopper: No! Woah woahoahoah! Abandon ship! (Rockhopper and Yarr go flying) Ahhhhhh- this wasn’t what I had in mind! -ahhhhh! (falls to ground) Be careful with her ye beastie! I just had me new hot tub installed…

(Megalodon pulls anchor under water, causing the Migrator to be completely sunk)

Rockhopper: Aw, come on!

(Megalodon roars, scaring all the penguins on the iceberg)

Jangrah: Okay… this is bad. I’m sure I have a page on sea rescues here somewhere!

Lorna: I feel like… I’ve seen this somewhere before!

Jangrah: What does it want?

Blizzard: Hey… I know! Maybe he just wants a snow cone!

Jangrah: Blizzard! …You’re a genius!

Blizzard and Lorna: What?

Jangrah: (using megaphone) Gary! Sydmull! The Snow Cone 3000!

Sydmull: What about it? (pauses, then realizes she can’t hear him)

Roofhowse: (using megaphone) What about it?

Jangrah: Make something useful out of it!

Sydmull and Gary: (look at each other) Ohhh… Aha! Science, to the rescue!

Jangrah: (sighs) Scientists…

Scene 9: The Plan

(cut to Gary finishing his invention)

Gary: Behold! The Slush-Rusher 1! This little baby is like a big outboard motor that will safely propel us back to land with toe-tapping beats!

Herbert: Hm. That’s not so great.

Sydmull: Hey uh, Gary, don’t all your inventions end in ‘3000’?

Gary: Well, usually my first two thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine attempts don’t work out so well! Consider this a prototype!

Sydmull: Well that’s encouraging!

Gary: Science is all about persistence. Now, let’s get this slush-rusher rushing! (turns on machine, and it propels forward, into the ocean, and sinks) Science is also about bolting your inventions down.

(machine sinks to the seafloor, but the motor causes a whirlpool)

Sydmull and Gary: Science has failed us!

Blizzard: Anddd, now they’re heading for a giant whirlpool.

Jangrah: Okay, now this is really bad.

Blizzard: Bad? This party is the worst disaster in the history of disasters!

Lorna: History… oh! That’s it!

Jangrah and Blizzard: What’s it?

Lorna: The story! From my book! (drops book on ground) Here it is! Listen! (cut to story sequence) Long, long ago, this island was a dangerous and hostile place. Filled with menacing monsters, (various strange monsters are shown) deadly carnivorous plants (a large plant eats a monster), and, questionable drinking water. (plant drinks the water, but then dies) There were penguins back then, or as history likes to call them, caveguins. (several penguins are dancing around with loincloths on, and one is eaten by a carnivorous plant)
One day, a tribe of them were out ice fishing, (a group are seen fishing through the ice) having a perfectly lovely time! When all of a sudden, a frightening sea creature appeared from under the ice (the Megalodon is seen swimming around, then crashes through the ice) and chased them away! (the penguins run) From that day forth, no one could set foot on the ice, without the creature chasing them away! (a penguin gets close, but the Megalodon scares them) Which meant no fishing. Facing starvation, a hero arose from the tribe, (Garugg the Ugg Ugg leaps up) vowing to conquer the beast, and vanquish it forever!
The hero walked onto the ice, and summoned the beast! The monster charged, showing razor-sharp teeth! But the hero courageously stood his ground, until at last, the beast was upon him, and opening his terrible jaws! …Licked him. (the Megalodon playfully licks Garugg) The beast hadn’t meant to scare anyone! He was just really, really lonely, and looking for someone to be his friend.
So, you see? You should never judge a book by its cover! Oh, except for this book. Which has a really really good cover.

Blizzard: You think this might be the same shark from the story? Boom. Mind blown.

(screaming heard in distance)

Jangrah: So, all we have to do is make friends with a ginormous, prehistoric eating machine. Okay. Fine! Lorna, I’m going with the flow.

Lorna: Attagirl!

Scene 10: Making a Friend

Jangrah: (walks to edge of dock and takes deep breath) Flooow… Excuse me! Mister uh, prehistoric shark! My name is Jangrah, and even though you’ve completely ruined my party and put everyone’s lives in danger, I wanna be your friend!

(Megalodon stops swimming)

Rockhopper: Well, it’s official, Jangrah’s gone completely bananas mccrazypants.

Jangrah: I’m speaking to you now in hopes that we can come to a mutual understanding! And, to give you the opportunity to prove that you’re not just some mindless killing machine. (manic laughter) Ha ha ha.

(Megalodon turns and swims over)

Jangrah: Even though I worked for five straight months, planning every single eensie weensie detail of this party to be absolutely perfect… (looks at checklist)

Lorna: Just let it happen.

Jangrah: I’ve come to realize that even if you plan everything perfectly, nothing in life ever goes perfectly according to plan. Goodbye old friend. (throws checklist into water)

Lorna and Blizzard: (gasp)

(Megalodon jumps out of water and eats checklist, then swims to Jangrah, opens mouth, and gives her back her checklist)

Jangrah: Wait a minute… you want this? (playfully) You want this? Roll over!

(Megalodon spins)

Jangrah: Up up! Good boy! Lorna! You were right! The Megalodon isn’t a monster! It was just playing! Like in your story!

Lorna: What story?

Jangrah: The one you just tol- ..ugh, never mind…

(screaming in distance, cut to iceberg)

Scene 11: Impending Doom

Roofhowse: Okay, I’m out of ideas. Who’s up for panicking?

(everyone panics)

Herbert: (embraces two penguins he talked to before) Despite our impending doom, I’ve never felt this close to another penguin before.

Klutzy: (rolls eyes)

Rockhopper: Wait lads! Unless me eyes be playin’ tricks, there be someone atop that prehistoric pickaroon! (looks through telescope, with Jangrah riding the Megalodon visible)

Roofhowse: It’s Jangrah!

Rockhopper: Uh oh, brace for impact!

(Megalodon dives, and after a few seconds of silence, jumps out of the water over the iceberg, with Jangrah riding it like a surfboard)

Jangrah: I’m going with the flowwww!

Rockhopper: Now there be something ye don’t see every day.

(Megalodon swims down the whirlpool)

Jangrah: Fetch, boy!

(Megalodon reaches bottom of whirlpool, then crunches the motor, stopping the whirpool)

Jangrah: We did it! …Uh oh.

(whirlpool closes, then penguins all cheer)

Roofhowse: Wait… where’s Jangrah?

Gary: (pulls out calculator) Calculating for the weight of the displaced water…

Sydmull: Multiply by the vertical depth of the seafloor…

Gary: The odds of Jangrah surviving are… (electronic beeps are heard)

Sydmull and Gary: Oh no.

Rockhopper: Today, the sea has claimed two bonny lasses…

(Rockhopper and Herbert take off their hearts and hold it over their hearts; Rockhopper’s removed hat reveals an afro)

Rockhopper: Jangrah, and me beautiful ship…

(Klutzy plays a sad tune on a trumpet, and Rockhopper pulls out an accordion)

Rockhopper: Jangrah… this one’s for you… ..Ohhhh-

Roofhowse: (music is stopped) Look! It’s Jangrah!

(Jangrah rises out of ocean, crowd cheers)

(Megalodon rises out of ocean, crowd panics)

Jangrah: It’s alright, everyone! This little fellow was just lonely! After being frozen in ice for sixty five million years, he just wanted to join the party! Oh, didn’t you, mhm, such a good boy… that’s a good boy!

Rockhopper: I picked the wrong day to stop taking me medication.

(Megalodon pushes iceberg back to shore)

Scene 12: Partying Again

Rookie: Aha! Rockin’ Rookie reporting at ya live here at the Megalodon month celebration- yeah! Woot woot! Aha! Where it seems like everyone including yours truly has been stricken with sharko-fever!

Female penguin: DizzyDude292! You’re alive! (hugs a penguin in a purple coat)

Male penguin: Snowflake! (hugs white puffle) I’m alive!

Jangrah: (walks up to a group of penguins in blankets, including Herbert and Klutzy) Are you penguins okay?

Herbert: Ah, ah… achoo! (sneezes, and “beak” falls off, Klutzy also sneezes; crowd gasps)

Penguin 1: Herbert P. Bear! It was you this whole time?

Penguin 2: I don’t know what’s real anymore!

Herbert: Nobody move! Or the crab gets a brainfreeze… (grabs snow cone and holds up to Klutzy; then pauses, gives the snow cone back) I’m sorry. (runs away with Klutzy) Ho ho! Well played, Klutzy.

Jangrah: Just when I thought Herbert couldn’t get any weirder.

(Megalodon rises out of ocean, and pulls up the Migrator)

Rockhopper: Avast! My beloved Migrator! I thought I’d lost ye to Davy Jone’s locker! Oh, come here… (kisses hull)

Jangrah: Oh ho ho! Good boy! (pets Megalodon)

Lorna: I’m so proud of you Jangrah! (hugs Jangrah) You really did go with the flow!

Roofhowse: Does this mean no more checklists?

Jangrah: I think we’ve all had enough checklists for one day. (Lorna and Roofhowse laugh and walk away, then Jangrah pulls out clipboard and whispers) You know I didn’t mean it, right? …Apologized to clipboard, check! Ha… okay. No more stress, no more worries, and thankfully, no more monsters. (everybody cheers, and Megalodon does a flip)

(cut to the mountains, where a large purple creature with big eyes and a hat peers out, and laughs)